Relationships are hard to navigate for most people. There is an unwritten rule that somewhere along the line we are usually harder on the ones that we are the closest to and kinder to the acquaintances that we just met. When we get married, our relationship creates a whole new set of expectations and situations that we surely did not know existed. On top of the normal issues that marriage embodies, if we were to add staying sober to our honey-do list, that might really take the 3-tiered cake. A loving relationship plus marriage plus recovery can be a tall order to fulfill, but these things can all ensue, of course, by putting in the work that they all need.
Open that recovery toolkit and work on the marriage.
The best part about being in recovery is that we can use our recovery tools to better ourselves in our marriages too. Using our tools to find our part in disagreements, praying for our spouse, and being of service to them are all the things that can become second nature for us to transfer from our recovery life to our marriage.
They have their own sponsor and it is not us.
Trying to tell someone else what they need to do is not our place. We are certainly not perfect with what we put into the marriage and our recovery, so it is almost a disservice to them, our marriage, and our recovery to act holier than thou with the one we love. Instead of criticizing them or disrespecting them, the right thing to do is to love them and try to live by example.
Sometimes it is best to think before we speak.
There are a few questions that we should ask ourselves to help us to decide if they should be privy to our opinion. Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me right now? By using these guidelines, we can get a better idea if we should say it or just simply keep it to ourselves.
Never go to bed mad.
This does not mean that everything has be completely resolved before we go to sleep. What this means is that we should resolve the issue with at least our Higher Power. Write a Tenth Step out to figure out where we were resentful and selfish. Pray for our spouse and for our marriage to be blessed. Reach out to someone else so that we are not in self-pity with our problems. We want to lay our heads on our pillows with a clear conscious so that we can start tomorrow with a daily reprieve of what we did for our marriage today.
Marriage may not be the fairy-tale, ride off into the sunset experience that we thought it would be. We were, however, put together with our spouses for reasons that are bigger than us. By using what we learned in recovery, we can redeem even the biggest woes to try and keep us in everlasting wedding bliss.
Serenity Oaks Wellness Center is a 5-week extensive treatment program that can help those who are struggling with drugs and alcohol to achieve sobriety. Our holistic therapy and 12-Step aspects combined can show you how to adorn your soul in recovery.
Call us today: