Relationships require maintenance on a day to day basis. They take work by all the participants that are involved. When we are in recovery, we have many things that we need to address to move forward and grow. One of the things that we must learn in recovery is how to have a foundation in a healthy relationship. Some of the best references in relationship building can be found in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Stop holding grudges.
Move on from the problem and do not harbor resentments. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 64 states “Resentment is the ‘number one’ offender.” We must get rid of grudges quickly and kindly. This action goes a long way in relationship building.
Try having emotional sobriety.
Emotional sobriety is defined in the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous, page 99 as, “These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does.” This passage says it all. It doesn’t matter what they are doing. If we want to be emotionally, fit we solely focus on our actions.
“Pause when agitated”. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87)
We are taught to be rigorously honest in our recovery. That does not mean that we should tell everyone exactly what we are thinking. We should not keep secrets anymore, but instead of blowing up in a relationship, call a sponsor or a close recovery friend to purge your problems. We can use these questions to figure out whether it is appropriate to communicate what is going on. Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said by me now?
Learn from the disagreement.
“Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague” is what the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 98 reveals about disagreements. Most relationships have disagreements at some point, but it is what we do during the conflict that matters the most. Once the disagreement is over, it is helpful to look at our part in it to keep us from repeating the same mistakes again.
Put recovery first.
Recovery is our number one priority. Putting recovery first is essential in sealing our foundation in relationships. With recovery and the tools that are suggested, we can tread lightly in situations that may arise from frustration or fear. We also have many principles that can connect us to the people we love. Putting recovery into our relationships can help create long-lasting healthy relationships.
Serenity Oaks Wellness Center seeks to adorn each client which comes through our 5 week program by taking their life and making it more beautiful with the tools of recovery. Call us today for information: 844-720-6847
